UN-conquering Fear

I am sitting here, nervously pecking at the keyboard while my beautiful and faithful husband talks to topman-the-architect on the telephone next door. I can't believe he is doing it--I am so proud of him. Every unkind, naggy thought I've ever had in relation to Rick has been washed away, at least temporarily!

But, as I sit here nervously blowing air in and out of my mouth, the deep question I am pondering is this: WHY COULDN'T I DO IT? I'm stuck hoping against hope that we'll get our money back so that we can pay the wonderful new architect we have found (Doug Brown in Ferndale, CA) but also deeply concerned that my inability to suck it up and say what needs to be said to topman signifies some deep-rooted problem within. All the cards are going on the table but I couldn't put them there, I am still taking a backseat in my own life.

It's not that I am afraid to fire topman. It's more that I don't have confidence in my ability to get our money back. And we need it back. So, is this an example of good relationship partnering, using Rick's assetts to complement mine? Or, might it be just an excuse for not facing up to my crap? That's what I am after. And, perhaps it is a bit of both. The honest truth is, if I had oodles of money to spare and it were me and me alone, I probably would have sent Topman a short email firing him and let it go. Never having to deal with him directly or with the fact that I've shelled out $15,000 for NOTHING. I would let that part slide. And, that is just plain stupid. I might as well have SUCKER written on my forehead.

So, having said that...will me not calling topman be the fork in the road that sends me packing back to Fearland? Is it ok to have and admit weaknesses or do you always have to conquer them? That's the question of the day, folks!

Stay tuned to find out if Rick and Tamar get their money back so that they can pay the fan-tabulous Doug Brown and get their show on the road. I, for one, am rooting for us. Weaknesses and all.